Tuesday, I Have Awoken

Oh, tits.

About a week ago I packed up my tennis bag, grabbed my lucky silver Jesus pendant, fucked off back to crappyland and forgot to take a jacket. And now here I am. Except I forgot several important things.

ONE: To take a jacket. It is fucking freezing here. What happened to that Indian summer I was so sure we were going to have? I blame global warming/credit crunch/the morning after pill.

TWO: Any information pertaining to my student loan, cos now it is about a fortnight till my fortune of a rent comes out and I have no money to pay it with.

THREE: Not to spend all that aforementioned money on cider, Meskin food and birthday presents. It's like Happy fucking Christmas in September. Maybe prospective parents should have some kind of reproductive schedule which means we all don't get born in the same month.

Anyway, running around like a blue-arsed fly borrowing money, putting it in banks, calling up unhelpful women at the council and visiting all relatives is only going to be good exercise, hooray. A proper post'll be up soon. Promise. In the meantime:

ONE: Photo Clichés. I've got a furry SLR 'see no evil' from Oxford Brookes two or three years ago, somewhere amongst all the stuff I haven't unpacked yet.

TWO: Fleshmap. I can't remember how I found this, and it may be old news already, but I thought it was super interesting. Where else can you find prints of 12 men's nipple hair formations? The page full of boobs was my favourite. You can even sort them by nipple size, hello!

THREE: Another magazine ran a story on the dollar bill, which apparently is 77 years old. Not a greatly momentous year, but excuse enough for some sort of diverting artists' takes on said note.

FOUR: This reminded me of the Jason Polan $13 bill I saw a way back at Wooooo magazine. I like his giraffes better.

FIVE: Speaking of giraffes, and other African wildlife; I want I want I want this. I always kind of wanted a real mounted moose head, but I'm too much of a pussy vegetarian to get one, plus I've seen Fawlty Towers, I know how dangerous those things can be. So if I can have a cardboard moose head . . . why can't I have a unicorn? I am a girl after all.

SIX: Speaking of wanting things, this Thursday I will be twenty years old. I do not want a big fuss made of me on the day, however, I do expect to be showered with gifts. You heard?

SEVEN: Speaking of me, and me being a hipster, Good magazine ran an amusing story on how hipsters are wankers. I can't find a link to it, but it was in the last issue, go see, it's good. And then posted a link to a Silver Jews MP3, good times. I just said 'good' so much it doesn't make sense anymore.

And to finish:

Kate comes in one morning and puts the BBC news on. For once, that didn't make me all crabby. This may have been only because the first cheery words into my sleepy sloos ears were ". . . giant mechanical spider will wake up soon and start walking around."

Sod that for a game of soldiers.